Things of which I dream

Tsumani, waves, sea, recurring, but it always passes and I always remain safe and unscathed in the house, but the house/etc are destroyed. The aftermath is pretty bad. In fact everything is destroyed except me.

Toilets, futuristic, impossibly sophisticated, mechanical, automated

Toilets, over-wrought sophistication (luxury, perfume and white flowers — someone’s lousy try-too-hard idea of faux luxury and sophistication, that did not quite work in reality, after several people had used the toilet. I also saw what it looked like before it was used. It was a dent in the ground, covered with perfume and large white flowers, which I guess you were supposed to pee over, but after you did that, it seemed like the flowers etc drained to the side, in a line?). Male basket and female basket. Female basket went down, Male basket was at same level. Male toilets converted to female toilets. Bunch of salarymen, Asian, possibly Japanese, in office wear (white, striped shirts, black pants) waiting to use the toilet ahead of me.

Lesbian sex, recurring, rape — I wasn’t impressed. Happened in the thick curtains before I got to the toilets. I felt the thickness of the curtains. He said, “It’s happened before, right? During 7-11.” But it wasn’t during 7-11, so I looked him in the eye and said no. His eyes were red. I tried not to cry after. Something he knew about me that he’s using as evidence against me.

Elevator going past the top floor of a block of flats, where it looks broken or unfinished

Escalators, rushing around looking for escalators going up, sometime to run into escalators that are both coming down (roadblock), confused, hurried

Spiral staircase, white sheet metal, not grills, very clean minimalist design

Another staircase, with polished wood banisters, very smooth, sliding downwards.

“I am still a staff writer,” to Mr Leet, while undercover as a “client” (media, member, high-society people.)

“What is the push factor?”

“There is more a pull factor — the call of the wild / unknown.”

“The problem / thing with you is that the self-motivation is so strong…”

“To come back here only to find that everything and everyone is still the same, including myself.” — disappointment

Writing test, accused of cheating, but vindicated by CCTV

 

 

The odds

The odds of existence
of being precisely who you are
are slim

In fact, the odds are almost zero
but here you are
here you exist

so remember the next time
the odds are against you
that you’ve already beaten
the slimmest odds in the universe
before.

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